“David, look at my hips they do not lie.” And her hips are not lying, they’re like ‘uhhh do me.’ 

“David, look at my hips they do not lie.” And her hips are not lying, they’re like ‘uhhh do me.’ 

(Source: davidodoherty)


I recently finished the internet. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that, but a picture of Bill Gates comes up like that and you get to enter your initials.

I recently finished the internet. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that, but a picture of Bill Gates comes up like that and you get to enter your initials.

(Source: exmango)

Comedy Central - The Half Hour: S01E11 - David O’Doherty

molybdenuum:

they got really ridiculously close to his face during this recording

molybdenuum:

they got really ridiculously close to his face during this recording

(Source: exmango)

comedycentral:

(From America I went straight to Australia and this is my tiny keyboard onstage at the Sydney Opera House.)
snowandhotcoco asked you:how long do you think it took you to find your “voice” in comedy?
It’s a strange one, because very often other people see what you should be doing before you do. It helps if there’s somebody you trust that you can talk to about it. I always had my brother, who was a really great comedian in Ireland in the 90s. I think it’s important you never really realise what is it ‘you do’. As in, the death for many careers has been somebody saying “oh I see, I’m the angry guy/rude lady/camp guy”. And then you stop developing and try to churn out the same shows again and again. So I don’t know what my voice is. But I suppose the trick is to see that a career as the journey, and hope you never get where you’re going. (I’ve stolen that idea from that Bob Dylan documentary). 
Anonymous asked you:I was thinking of putting my house on Ireland winning Euro 2012. Would this be a good idea?
It would a good idea if it’s an Irish house, because our property market has collapsed so you have very little to lose. I should point out, that at this point, typing this, my hands are shaking violently. This is what these games do to me. It makes me feel TOO ALIVE. 
Anonymous asked you:DAVIDO, what’s your weirdest hobby/thing you like?
I genuinely love tiny keyboards. There are twenty in this room. And I know all of their shitty beats and demo tunes. I really like Antarctic exploration of the period 1910 to 1918. I am obsessed with the 1987 Tour de France. I have a collection of over 100 ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs, stolen from hotels around the world. My remaining life ambition is still to appear in a knitting pattern.
Anonymous asked you:What is your favourite all time joke?
Oh I don’t know. I like this a lot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry0Bv1HQRD4&list=FLq24qttE9AhxgQbp83DHqhA&index=14&feature=plpp_video 
I should have mentioned Stewart Lee earlier in the my favourite comedians part.
Anonymous asked you:What would be your ice breaker in a speed dating situation?
My eyes are now starting to water. That is how nervous I am getting about this match. I can’t sit down anymore. I am leaning over the computer from a standing position, like a computer operative in a white lab coat from the 1950s. I guess the beautiful thing about sport is that it doesn’t really matter. As in, if and probably when we lose, the world will continue to spin around, so it doesn’t really matter. But it’s still more dramatic than any theatre or film. I hope you like my Half Hour. 
Anonymous asked you:David! Would you like to do a tour in America?
I’d really like to. But I’m not sure anyone would come. But if you can organise it, and guarantee at least 100 people in each venue to cover costs, then I’m on. Until then, come to The Edinburgh Fringe. Everyone who loves comedy should go there at some point, as a performer or as a fan. Ok ok. Better go. I have to be sick now. Twitter me anytime @phlaimeaux
-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(From America I went straight to Australia and this is my tiny keyboard onstage at the Sydney Opera House.)

snowandhotcoco asked you:
how long do you think it took you to find your “voice” in comedy?

It’s a strange one, because very often other people see what you should be doing before you do. It helps if there’s somebody you trust that you can talk to about it. I always had my brother, who was a really great comedian in Ireland in the 90s. I think it’s important you never really realise what is it ‘you do’. As in, the death for many careers has been somebody saying “oh I see, I’m the angry guy/rude lady/camp guy”. And then you stop developing and try to churn out the same shows again and again. So I don’t know what my voice is. But I suppose the trick is to see that a career as the journey, and hope you never get where you’re going. (I’ve stolen that idea from that Bob Dylan documentary). 

Anonymous asked you:
I was thinking of putting my house on Ireland winning Euro 2012. Would this be a good idea?

It would a good idea if it’s an Irish house, because our property market has collapsed so you have very little to lose. I should point out, that at this point, typing this, my hands are shaking violently. This is what these games do to me. It makes me feel TOO ALIVE. 

Anonymous asked you:
DAVIDO, what’s your weirdest hobby/thing you like?

I genuinely love tiny keyboards. There are twenty in this room. And I know all of their shitty beats and demo tunes. I really like Antarctic exploration of the period 1910 to 1918. I am obsessed with the 1987 Tour de France. I have a collection of over 100 ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs, stolen from hotels around the world. My remaining life ambition is still to appear in a knitting pattern.

Anonymous asked you:
What is your favourite all time joke?

Oh I don’t know. I like this a lot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry0Bv1HQRD4&list=FLq24qttE9AhxgQbp83DHqhA&index=14&feature=plpp_video 

I should have mentioned Stewart Lee earlier in the my favourite comedians part.

Anonymous asked you:
What would be your ice breaker in a speed dating situation?

My eyes are now starting to water. That is how nervous I am getting about this match. I can’t sit down anymore. I am leaning over the computer from a standing position, like a computer operative in a white lab coat from the 1950s. I guess the beautiful thing about sport is that it doesn’t really matter. As in, if and probably when we lose, the world will continue to spin around, so it doesn’t really matter. But it’s still more dramatic than any theatre or film. I hope you like my Half Hour. 

Anonymous asked you:
David! Would you like to do a tour in America?

I’d really like to. But I’m not sure anyone would come. But if you can organise it, and guarantee at least 100 people in each venue to cover costs, then I’m on. Until then, come to The Edinburgh Fringe. Everyone who loves comedy should go there at some point, as a performer or as a fan. Ok ok. Better go. I have to be sick now. Twitter me anytime @phlaimeaux

-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(I did a gig in the old BBC radio theatre in London recently, where the doors are shaped like this “so a gentleman can walk through without removing his top hat.”)
Anonymous asked you:I’m doing my first set at an open mic show tonight. Any suggestions for an enterprising young fool?
You just have to say things that you find funny. Things that you, in your heart of hearts believe to be hilarious. See it’s easy to learn how to do it. Stand-up. To look at comedians and talk about the sort of things that comedians are supposed to talk about. But fuck that. Seriously. There are enough shitty comedians doing the sort of thing that comedians are supposed to do in the world. 
See, if you figure out the stuff that you find funny, and say it, even if you die on your arse, if the gig goes badly, you will die with such pentrating and beautiful majesty that afterwards, when you’ve stopped crying and shaking you will know I TRIED.   
emilyapathetic asked you:Hi David, will you move to Australia and be my boyfriend? :)
NOT UNTIL YOU STOP MAKING LOVE TO SHARKS. Although exciting in a way, it’s weird. And you know what’ll happen the next time I go for a swim.
Anonymous asked you:David, As a woman I will never fully know the joys of a luscious beard. Could you enlighten me of the wonders of beardy-ness?
Well I grew this beard because I was playing the part of an Antarctic explorer from 1917 in a play. That was last summer. And it has stayed. I quite enjoy it. But I also quite enjoy not shaving. And I think it makes my songs 15 to 20% more sincere.
Anonymous asked you:Hey David, can you recommend any Irish bands that we should all know about?
Jape! Everyone listen to Jape. This is a good place to start:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3OSoBFzhLI
At the moment I’m also listening to a band from Wellington in New Zealand a lot called The Eversons. This is my favourite song of the summer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpUaPcJ4KEE
Anonymous asked you:If you could be any type of pizza, what type of pizza would you be?
I would be Blossom Dearie. She’s not a pizza but a singer, but she’s so great. Also, less than 2 hours to kick off. SPAIN, YOUR MEAL DISHES ARE SO SMALL. HAHAHAHA.
-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(I did a gig in the old BBC radio theatre in London recently, where the doors are shaped like this “so a gentleman can walk through without removing his top hat.”)

Anonymous asked you:
I’m doing my first set at an open mic show tonight. Any suggestions for an enterprising young fool?

You just have to say things that you find funny. Things that you, in your heart of hearts believe to be hilarious. See it’s easy to learn how to do it. Stand-up. To look at comedians and talk about the sort of things that comedians are supposed to talk about. But fuck that. Seriously. There are enough shitty comedians doing the sort of thing that comedians are supposed to do in the world. 

See, if you figure out the stuff that you find funny, and say it, even if you die on your arse, if the gig goes badly, you will die with such pentrating and beautiful majesty that afterwards, when you’ve stopped crying and shaking you will know I TRIED.   

emilyapathetic asked you:
Hi David, will you move to Australia and be my boyfriend? :)

NOT UNTIL YOU STOP MAKING LOVE TO SHARKS. Although exciting in a way, it’s weird. And you know what’ll happen the next time I go for a swim.

Anonymous asked you:
David, As a woman I will never fully know the joys of a luscious beard. Could you enlighten me of the wonders of beardy-ness?

Well I grew this beard because I was playing the part of an Antarctic explorer from 1917 in a play. That was last summer. And it has stayed. I quite enjoy it. But I also quite enjoy not shaving. And I think it makes my songs 15 to 20% more sincere.

Anonymous asked you:
Hey David, can you recommend any Irish bands that we should all know about?

Jape! Everyone listen to Jape. This is a good place to start:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3OSoBFzhLI

At the moment I’m also listening to a band from Wellington in New Zealand a lot called The Eversons. This is my favourite song of the summer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpUaPcJ4KEE

Anonymous asked you:
If you could be any type of pizza, what type of pizza would you be?

I would be Blossom Dearie. She’s not a pizza but a singer, but she’s so great. Also, less than 2 hours to kick off. SPAIN, YOUR MEAL DISHES ARE SO SMALL. HAHAHAHA.

-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(This is me reacting with delight at the safe arrival of my keyboard.)
saucyshipmate asked you:David I often look out of windows as I have no television and NO INTENTION OF BUYING ONE. What tv programs do you like? I don’t like any as I have said.
Well saucyshipmate, there is an architecture show Channel 4 make in the UK called Grand Designs that I really like. They follow a single build from plans to completion and SOMETIMES IT’S A TREEHOUSE OR A CONDO IN A CAVE or whatever. Well I really like that. My favourite comedy thing I’ve seen in the last year is called Danger 5 and is from Australia. It’s on youtube. I really like Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. Arrested Development. There’s a BBC Scotland sketch show called Limmy’s Show that I really like. I think my favourite sketch show ever is the first series of Big Train. This kind of thing:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKH9ECC_Qa4
taliasara asked you:To David: What’s your worst fear?
There’s no point in fearing the Spanish midfield. You have to get amongst them, try to make some tackles. But where are the goals going to come from? 
Also I don’t like balsamic salad dressings. It tastes like tears.
thingsisawthatilove asked you:(Question for David O’Doherty) What gave you the idea to record an audio commentary for your recent album? Do you think you will do this again in the future?
I don’t think anyone has done an audio commentary before. I guess it was that I had to listen to the album so many times when I was editing it, it made me think of other things, and the commentary was all of the things I thought of. I should have done it with someone else though. It got quite lonely around the 1 hr mark. The joy of doing download only stuff is that it can be any length. With the commentary, that album is about 3 hours. My only fear is that people will listen to the commentary and think it’s the album. That would be a strange album. The album is here: davidodoherty.bandcamp.com
smith-jones-or-robinson asked you:Hey, David… What’s the capital of Botswana? Oh wait, you already answered that one. Ok, here goes, when exactly did you realise what you wanted to do for a living and where were you?
Oh i don’t know. I used to do temping and think “I wish I didn’t do this with my life for 8 hours a day.” And then I did a few gigs, and then people start offering you £50 for twenty minutes work, and that would have been most of a day of temping. 
There’s a great Kurt Vonnegut bit about how he’s the youngest in the family, and so often the youngest learns to be funny because they never have anything interesting to say compared to their big brothers and sisters. So instead they say stupid things or put chocolate spread in their hair or whatever, JUST TO FEEL ALIVE AND GET SOME BLOODY ATTENTION. I think that could be the reason.
orlaoreo asked you:David, who is your all time favorite comedian?
Don’t know. There are a bunch that I really like. There’s an English kind-of poet called Tim Key. Look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLjTwh6s53c
There’s Daniel Kitson. Some of his stuff is on Bandcamp. Flight of the Conchords are great. Maria Bamford. CK certainly, Kristen Schaal. Dylan Moran is brilliant. This kind of thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osldhYv3bIE&feature=related
I’ve left loads of people out there. 
-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(This is me reacting with delight at the safe arrival of my keyboard.)

saucyshipmate asked you:
David I often look out of windows as I have no television and NO INTENTION OF BUYING ONE. What tv programs do you like? I don’t like any as I have said.

Well saucyshipmate, there is an architecture show Channel 4 make in the UK called Grand Designs that I really like. They follow a single build from plans to completion and SOMETIMES IT’S A TREEHOUSE OR A CONDO IN A CAVE or whatever. Well I really like that. My favourite comedy thing I’ve seen in the last year is called Danger 5 and is from Australia. It’s on youtube. I really like Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. Arrested Development. There’s a BBC Scotland sketch show called Limmy’s Show that I really like. I think my favourite sketch show ever is the first series of Big Train. This kind of thing:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKH9ECC_Qa4

taliasara asked you:
To David: What’s your worst fear?

There’s no point in fearing the Spanish midfield. You have to get amongst them, try to make some tackles. But where are the goals going to come from? 

Also I don’t like balsamic salad dressings. It tastes like tears.

thingsisawthatilove asked you:
(Question for David O’Doherty) What gave you the idea to record an audio commentary for your recent album? Do you think you will do this again in the future?

I don’t think anyone has done an audio commentary before. I guess it was that I had to listen to the album so many times when I was editing it, it made me think of other things, and the commentary was all of the things I thought of. I should have done it with someone else though. It got quite lonely around the 1 hr mark. The joy of doing download only stuff is that it can be any length. With the commentary, that album is about 3 hours. My only fear is that people will listen to the commentary and think it’s the album. That would be a strange album. The album is here: davidodoherty.bandcamp.com

smith-jones-or-robinson asked you:
Hey, David… What’s the capital of Botswana? Oh wait, you already answered that one. Ok, here goes, when exactly did you realise what you wanted to do for a living and where were you?

Oh i don’t know. I used to do temping and think “I wish I didn’t do this with my life for 8 hours a day.” And then I did a few gigs, and then people start offering you £50 for twenty minutes work, and that would have been most of a day of temping. 

There’s a great Kurt Vonnegut bit about how he’s the youngest in the family, and so often the youngest learns to be funny because they never have anything interesting to say compared to their big brothers and sisters. So instead they say stupid things or put chocolate spread in their hair or whatever, JUST TO FEEL ALIVE AND GET SOME BLOODY ATTENTION. I think that could be the reason.

orlaoreo asked you:
David, who is your all time favorite comedian?

Don’t know. There are a bunch that I really like. There’s an English kind-of poet called Tim Key. Look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLjTwh6s53c

There’s Daniel Kitson. Some of his stuff is on Bandcamp. Flight of the Conchords are great. Maria Bamford. CK certainly, Kristen Schaal. Dylan Moran is brilliant. This kind of thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osldhYv3bIE&feature=related

I’ve left loads of people out there. 

-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(This photo is me going off to write the jokes for my special.)
kamalamabangbang asked you:For David: What’s the most annoying Irish stereotype that you’ve had to deal with in your international travels?
Firstly, before I answer any of these, I need to point out that Ireland is playing our most important football match for ten years in three hours, and while I don’t get nervous before gigs, I absolutely shit myself before football matches. So I will answer your questions as best I can, but there will be a subtle anti-Spanish bias (WE ARE PLAYING SPAIN AND THEY ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS AND POSSIBLY THE BEST INTERNATIONAL TEAM EVER ASSEMBLED AND WE ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT THE MOMENT) and I may use a lot of soccer analogies.
The most annoying stereotype is that we lack flair in the middle of the field. This team does, but the manager is so conservative he has picked a very defensive pair. We have flair players. Are they big game players? Is this the day to try them? Who knows. Seriously, who knows.
Anonymous asked you:For DOD, As the Irish are the ugliest nation on the planet, do you find it is easier to win audiences over when they are not threatened by your good looks. From an Irish man
Firstly, have you ever been to Iceland? The ladies are famously beautiful and the men are even more Irish looking than Irish men. The legend is that the Vikings retired there but came via Ireland and England and stole all of our hotties. My point is, these things are relative. And relative to the Icelanders, we are sexbombs. And relative to the Spanish, ugh. 
electrolinks asked you:Why whimsy? Why not Sillyness?
Oh i don’t know. Originally some crappy review I got at the Edinburgh Fringe called what I did “low energy musical whimsy”, so I decided to annoy them by slowing it down even more to create Very Low Energy Musical Whimsy. It is very silly. Look, it’s got a stupid plastic keyboard from 1986! But ‘whimsy’ is a much funnier word than silly.  
Anonymous asked you:Hi David, whats the quickest way for me to make it into your beefs 2013?
Yes, I agree, Spain have the two greatest club teams in the world at the moment in Real Madrid and Barcelona. But how reliant are these clubs on Messi and Ronaldo, an Argentinian and a man from Potugal? I’m not saying Spain lack creativity, I’m just saying if we could surprise them, but not playing exactly the way they think we will, then we might have a chance. Some bookies are saying 4 - 0 Spain already, so you’re probably right.
Anonymous asked you:David: If you had a choice between being any villain from fiction or history, who would you be?
I am the 1990 East Leinster under 14 triple jump bronze medallist. That much you cannot argue with. I have the medal in a drawer not ten feet from where I am typing this. Does that make me a hero? Some would say yes. Particularly the boy who came 4th. As a hero, could I be co-opted to the dark side? Could the forces of evil try to use my triple jumping for their dastardly ends? THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. So in answer to your question, I don’t really know.
textvlogdaze asked you:David O’Doherty: Is your beard on backwards?
I like this question. Can we get more questions like this please? I DON’T HAVE A BEARD. YOU JUST HAVE HAIR STUFFED IN YOUR EYES.
-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

comedycentral:

(This photo is me going off to write the jokes for my special.)

kamalamabangbang asked you:
For David: What’s the most annoying Irish stereotype that you’ve had to deal with in your international travels?

Firstly, before I answer any of these, I need to point out that Ireland is playing our most important football match for ten years in three hours, and while I don’t get nervous before gigs, I absolutely shit myself before football matches. So I will answer your questions as best I can, but there will be a subtle anti-Spanish bias (WE ARE PLAYING SPAIN AND THEY ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS AND POSSIBLY THE BEST INTERNATIONAL TEAM EVER ASSEMBLED AND WE ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT THE MOMENT) and I may use a lot of soccer analogies.

The most annoying stereotype is that we lack flair in the middle of the field. This team does, but the manager is so conservative he has picked a very defensive pair. We have flair players. Are they big game players? Is this the day to try them? Who knows. Seriously, who knows.

Anonymous asked you:
For DOD, As the Irish are the ugliest nation on the planet, do you find it is easier to win audiences over when they are not threatened by your good looks. From an Irish man

Firstly, have you ever been to Iceland? The ladies are famously beautiful and the men are even more Irish looking than Irish men. The legend is that the Vikings retired there but came via Ireland and England and stole all of our hotties. My point is, these things are relative. And relative to the Icelanders, we are sexbombs. And relative to the Spanish, ugh. 

electrolinks asked you:
Why whimsy? Why not Sillyness?

Oh i don’t know. Originally some crappy review I got at the Edinburgh Fringe called what I did “low energy musical whimsy”, so I decided to annoy them by slowing it down even more to create Very Low Energy Musical Whimsy. It is very silly. Look, it’s got a stupid plastic keyboard from 1986! But ‘whimsy’ is a much funnier word than silly.  

Anonymous asked you:
Hi David, whats the quickest way for me to make it into your beefs 2013?

Yes, I agree, Spain have the two greatest club teams in the world at the moment in Real Madrid and Barcelona. But how reliant are these clubs on Messi and Ronaldo, an Argentinian and a man from Potugal? I’m not saying Spain lack creativity, I’m just saying if we could surprise them, but not playing exactly the way they think we will, then we might have a chance. Some bookies are saying 4 - 0 Spain already, so you’re probably right.

Anonymous asked you:
David: If you had a choice between being any villain from fiction or history, who would you be?

I am the 1990 East Leinster under 14 triple jump bronze medallist. That much you cannot argue with. I have the medal in a drawer not ten feet from where I am typing this. Does that make me a hero? Some would say yes. Particularly the boy who came 4th. As a hero, could I be co-opted to the dark side? Could the forces of evil try to use my triple jumping for their dastardly ends? THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. So in answer to your question, I don’t really know.

textvlogdaze asked you:
David O’Doherty: Is your beard on backwards?

I like this question. Can we get more questions like this please? I DON’T HAVE A BEARD. YOU JUST HAVE HAIR STUFFED IN YOUR EYES.

-David O’Doherty

Tune in to the premiere of David O’Doherty: The Half Hour, tomorrow at 11/10c.

David O’Doherty - FAQ for the DOD

DO’D’s Comedy Central Half Hour Special to air Friday June 15 @ 11:00PM!